It must have been around the end of middle school, maybe even the beginning part of freshmen year; probably around 1992. Sightings was a new show on Fox and it was all about the awe and wonderment of grey aliens as a phenomena. Not so for myself. The whole notion of an advanced race of beings with cooler rides than we have readily available to us, meandering about the cosmos with nothing better to do than stick alloys in to our collective rectums did not seem “fascinating” to me. It actually instilled a great sense of fear in me. There were many sleepless nights that I spent in my room wondering if the lights that spotted my ceiling were in fact headlights of passing cars or were the imminent end of my anal virginity. It got so spooky at times that I actually thought I was experiencing bouts of “lost time,” the inexplicable experience of not knowing what happened for a specific amount of time. If you were to tell me that it might have been associated with the past time I enjoyed of my own form of “botany,” I would probably have told you to fuck off. Looking back on it, was this a fear that I should have obsessed over? Probably not. It wasn’t very rational to fear a bunch of perverted spacemen with uber technology who were short in stature and had mega minds to wreak unnatural havoc on unsuspecting individuals. In retrospect, I should have taken a moment and analyzed that fear because eventually I would have come to the realization that said perverted spacemen are very similar to Japanese men. Very similar.

This brief interlude in the life of the Dahli Rama was brought in part to help those of you out there facing challenges that seem disproportionate to the actions in your life to illustrate that most of our fears, while real and in your face as they may seem at the time, can usually be disposed of with the simplicity of action and rationality. Regardless of the circumstances and intricacies that problems present in our lives, it is an unfortunate fact that they are all part of life. As cliche’ as it may sound, fear alleviates nothing. The initiation brought about by positive thoughts and taking action brings about a resolution, positive or negative, so that life may commence. That is all for today, from your alien fearing Dahli Rama.

Something I got from a friend.
Subject: Ad on craigslist and the reply

What am I doing wrong?

Okay, I’m tired of beating around the bush. I’m a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I’m articulate and classy. I’m not from New York. I’m looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don’t think I’m overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200 -250. But that’s where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won’t get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she’s not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:
-Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms
-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won’t hurt my feelings
-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I’m 25)?
- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the Upper East Side so plain? I’ve seen really ‘plain jane’ boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I’ve seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What’s the story there?
- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows – lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?
- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY

Please hold your insults – I’m putting myself out there in an honest way.  Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I’m being up front about it.  I wouldn’t be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn’t able to match them – in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.

it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 432279810

THE ANSWER
Dear Pers-431649184:

I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament. Firstly, I’m not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here’s how I see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here’s why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here’s the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity…in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won’t be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you’re 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy  and hold…hence the rub…marriage. It doesn’t make good business sense to ”buy you” (which is what you’re asking) so I’d rather lease. In case you think I’m being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It’s as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as “articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful” as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn’t  found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn’t need to have this difficult conversation.

With all that said, I must say you’re going about it the right way. Classic “pump and dump.”
I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.

When I was 12, I got an SR-71 Blackbird model from Testors for Christmas.  I remember seeing it at our local Price Club (before it became Costco), and yammering on about it to my folks.  It was something I wanted dearly and seeing it in that plastic case completed in all it’s glorious detail made the shrink wrapped NIB model that much more appealing.  Xmas day finally rolled around, and as I had requested, the model was what I got.  I spent hours looking over the directions, cutting out the pieces ever so delicately with my eXacto knife, and I even bought the special plastic tips for the liquid cement.  The attention to detail preparations when I first got that model were probably the most focused moments of my youth.

Fast forward 6 months later, and the model was pieced together without the components on the inside, the pieces on the latter half of the model weren’t cut out with the same precision as the beginning, and the paint job, which I had originally intended to do by hand, was caked over with some black spray paint by Krylon.

So what does this have to do with Lost?  It’s sort of how I feel the writers tackled what was originally one of the greatest seasons of television to date.  Reflect back on the first season and recall how awe inspiring everything was.  The scenery, the mystery, the dynamics of how everyone and everything was interacting with each other.  This was TV at it’s best.  It was intelligent when everything else was reality tv.  It was thought provoking when everything else was about who was hooking up with who.  It was tv for those of us who also enjoyed the mental stimulation that reading brings.

Now for seasons 2-4, I watched them because season 1 was that enticing, but from an honest standpoint, they were fodder.  Each season was progressively incoherent and not cohesive.  But as a fan, I was promised that answers were forthcoming.  Even through the shoddy stories of seasons 2-4, Naveen Andrews (Sayeed) and Terry O’Quinn (Locke) kept me coming back each episode.  I grew tired of Jack and his God complex, we get it Sawyer is a con man, and yes Kate is hot.  But Sayeed and Locke kept things interesting.  Locke was like a member of the audience in that he had the questions and child like curiosity that we experienced each episode, while Sayeed embodied the bad ass-ness we all hoped we could have if we were to be placed in said scenario on a desert island.

With that being said about seasons 2-4, it was season 5 that brought me back to being a true fan of Lost.  It encompassed many of the same thought provoking qualities and intrigue that season 1 had and by the time the series ending season I was ready to see what was touted to be a story that the writers’ had plotted out since the very beginning.  The season contained episodes that were, to put it nicely, puzzling.  After being subjected to past flashbacks, time warps, and characters on the island vs. off the island, it was a little disconcerting to see a parallel universe flash where everyone just goes on with their lives.  It was frustrating at times to find the relevance in this parallel universe when what everyone wanted to know about was what/who was the “smoke monster?”  The best episode, at least in my opinion, was when we finally found out what Richard Alpert was all about.  Beyond the mystic aspects of him not aging, it was just a nice breath of fresh air to see a well written episode about a man and the matters of the heart, which I can safely say the other episodes in this side parallel flash universe lacked.  The second best episode would have to be the episode where we find the origins of Jacob and the Man in Black (who to the very end DIDN’T EVEN GET A NAME!).

If you’re reading this, it means you watched the final episode.  If you haven’t this last paragraph is going to have spoilers.  To sum up the final episode in a nutshell, I would have to say, disappointing.  I can’t say that the last 6 years have been a waste because I thoroughly enjoyed myself while watching Lost.  But I feel that the writers sold out.  In the beginning, the series was original because even though everyone was a main character in a sense, you never knew who was going to live or die.  It emulated life in that there were no guarantees that said characters were going to be able to survive in the harsh environment known as “The Island.”  The seasons all equally dealt with the flaws inherent in humanity and certain outcomes played out accordingly.  To end the series, where on the island, the people who were supposed to get off, got off, and for “The Smoke Monster” to die in such a weak fashion just because the candidates were “good” was lazy.  To summarize the side parallel universe as a “heaven” or as Christian Shephard put it, “a place you all created,” was down right cliche’.  It didn’t bring forth any opinions or conclusions on the dilemma that Jacob and the Man in Black originally brought forth; the question of whether humanity is inherently good or evil.  The writers basically said, “people matter in life,” and they illustrated it by showing us a conclusion to a story where the main characters cosmically created a realm in which they could all meet up and hang for some good times and apologies while they proverbially “move on.”  The answers to the questions like why is the smoke monster pissed, or why is the island magical were not answered unless you call a pool with gold light an answer and when that light turned red, the smoke monster was no longer the smoke monster an answer.

The great thing about a show like Lost is that there is a portion of the fan base that will state that the series finale was epic.  That those of us who found flaws in it’s logic are just too stupid to see the wildly intricate underpinnings from season so and so or that the exclusion of character X was only relevant for that point in time.  Part of being a writer of a series like Lost is being responsible from beginning to end.  That way the audience is left feeling like they were promised Filet Mignon and given a 2 day old leftover from the dollar menu at McDonalds.  This was 6 years of our lives, not to mention those of us who were so devoted that we purchased the seasons on DVD so that we could make sure there weren’t any loose ends we forgot to keep in our forethought.

I’d like to say, on a positive closing note, that I am thankful for Lost.  It kept me paying the cable bills and paying extra to boot for HD service.  It got me to purchase that DVR so I wouldn’t miss episodes.  It even got me through the times when I thought there wasn’t anything on except The Real World and The Hills.  But even though I’m thankful for those aspects of it’s existence, I gotta say shame on you for making me into a cheap date.

Dahli Rama